august, december

I've finally figured out
we're somewhere between
between the end of the line and the middle of nowhere

here I am
in this empty space
living on my own
trying to touch the edge

I want to be good
I want to be God 

please don’t wake me

no don’t shake me

leave me where I am

I look on my fingers

lazily

I scratch my arms

time hangs

heavily

I scratch my legs

shouting your name

and there’s no escape

it started five years ago

in August, and now

do you remember September

will you stay in December

more, less

tell me

if you were to die tonight

would you be proud of yourself

of all the stars you’ve seen

of all the sunsets you’ve felt on your skin

of the music you’ve heard

and of her shoulders you’ve touched

of all those nights that ended

and of all the mornings that finally came

of your smiles

of tears you’ve left behind

or maybe

of your house

of money you’ve spent

of how much and how many

which never has and never will

matter

to me

light, gloom

Well that kind of love

is the killing kind

I am a shadow

I am a moonchild

I have no body, have I

I don’t exist, do I

I can’t stand no more, can I

I won’t survive here, will I

Who are you all

Who are all those people

passing by

am I the center

of the Universe?

I hear them

crashing

smashing

screaming

and bleeding

at night

I open my eyes

with a crash

light

enlighten me

gloom

absorb me

hey you

talk to me sometimes

I wonder

where and who are you dying with

life everlasting

been too strong for too long
been far away for far too long

I’m lying on the floor
biting my fingers
swallowing my tears
shouting and screaming

And that scary face in a corner of my room
talk to me
there’s a man in my room

the forgiveness of sins
the resurrection of the body
and the life everlasting
amen

we were born sick
but I love it
only then I am a human
only then I am clean

explosions, detonations

Blood in the streets up to my ankles

Blood in the streets up to my knees

we can’t kill them all

we can’t murder them all

it would be a mistake, wouldn’t it?

just like a child who hits the chair
it has bumped into

Blood on the raise, it’s following me

what if we did it

what if we killed them

wouldn’t the world be a better place

you may say I’m a dreamer

but I’m not the only one

we’re living in the ghost town

where the explosion of rage is not the only visible explosion

at all

divine, hellish

She talked to angels.

She has an obsidian star on her neck.

She has amulets, a rabbit’s foot, a Nazar, an Atlantis Ring.

It brings her nothing but bad luck.

She used to see ghosts. She used to hear them.

She used to feel the wind as they were passing by.

She saw the Future in her Cards.

Tarot Cards, Gypsy Cards, all of them hers. For her.

She saw more than the others. She knew more.

She got her eyes and ears wide open.

But no one believed her.

And then she started to talk. Firstly, shyly and quietly.

Then louder and louder.

And in the end she started to shout.

She cried like a baby. She drove them crazy.

She talked to angels.

But all she did was hellish.

anxiety, disturbance

Are you ready to die tonight?

When I think about it, I feel sorry. I feel sorrow.

I didn’t want it to end up like this.

But tonight I look at you for the last time.

Goodbye, Sky.

I couldn’t count all those sleepless nights in your arms.

There will be no light, no warmth, no angels, no peace.

There will be cold, I will shiver with cold, there will be ghosts and anxiety.

Would the Death look like this?

Probably it would.

Now…

I think I died a long ago.

Because this emptiness remains me this hell I live in.