eternal, dark

Last night

I dreamt about dying

good night, sleep tight

there was nothing all around me

but I was conscious

good night, sleep tight

sweet dreams, baby

see, nights have been created

to accustom us

to eternal darkness

that will come

soon

gwynnbleidd

Gwynnbleidd.

two thousand miles away

he walks upon the coast

his milk white hair

like a storm

his yellow eyes

as yellow as a wolf’s eyes

his face and his back

a constellation of scars

his steps

silent

there’s no sound

Gwynnbleidd means

the White Wolf

you seem so far and away

shout, scream

Shout

I am shouting while I’m looking on my fingers

Scream

I am screaming when I look into my eyes

Pain

it’s so painful to think about all those things

that ever happened to us

Shout

I wanna hear you shouting out your guilt

Scream

I wanna hear you screaming our names

Pain

I want you to feel that pain

that  you caused

and that will never go away

lions, beasts

he sees a cliff and a lion steps inside his dreams
there it is, with a mane blown in the winds
could someone help him see the stars in its eyes?
it's so calm, so loud, so proud, so cruel, so vile
he raises his hand to show the awe to the beast
it is wild, it is free, yet its heart is not mean
and there I am with a tattoo on myleg
he sees the mane, the wind, stars and dreams
forgets what's real, I bring him to his knees
and there I am with a lion...

and I dreamt about him last night
he was a victim

game

I caught him
when I fell in love
and he caught me
at the same time

faith, belief

when you cross a cemetery

you have to pay attention

between all those graves

between all their hands

they are touching us

but we have forgotten

and we have no faith

no more

they are kissing us

stroking our heads

sometimes don’t care

they’re invisible

so when you cross a cemetery

the ground is full of them

and the air you’re breathing

is made of love

for those who don’t believe

they have gone forever

but we know that

when we cross a cemetery

we have to look for us

one of the graves could be ours

cause  we are between the deads

fear, scream

where do bad people go when they die?

they don’t go to heaven where the angels fly

they go to a lake of fire and fry

won’t see them again unless you cry

fear

I can’t stand this day

scream

I see them and feel them

I can’t believe, I don’t want to

but they are near

in my memories

they’re waiting on the other side

my head explodes

I cover my ears

but they cry inside me

I cover my eyes

but they laugh under my eyelids

laughter

laughter

all I hear and see is laughter

there’s no you

except in my dreams tonight

august, december

I've finally figured out
we're somewhere between
between the end of the line and the middle of nowhere

here I am
in this empty space
living on my own
trying to touch the edge

I want to be good
I want to be God 

please don’t wake me

no don’t shake me

leave me where I am

I look on my fingers

lazily

I scratch my arms

time hangs

heavily

I scratch my legs

shouting your name

and there’s no escape

it started five years ago

in August, and now

do you remember September

will you stay in December

more, less

tell me

if you were to die tonight

would you be proud of yourself

of all the stars you’ve seen

of all the sunsets you’ve felt on your skin

of the music you’ve heard

and of her shoulders you’ve touched

of all those nights that ended

and of all the mornings that finally came

of your smiles

of tears you’ve left behind

or maybe

of your house

of money you’ve spent

of how much and how many

which never has and never will

matter

to me

light, gloom

Well that kind of love

is the killing kind

I am a shadow

I am a moonchild

I have no body, have I

I don’t exist, do I

I can’t stand no more, can I

I won’t survive here, will I

Who are you all

Who are all those people

passing by

am I the center

of the Universe?

I hear them

crashing

smashing

screaming

and bleeding

at night

I open my eyes

with a crash

light

enlighten me

gloom

absorb me

hey you

talk to me sometimes

I wonder

where and who are you dying with

life everlasting

been too strong for too long
been far away for far too long

I’m lying on the floor
biting my fingers
swallowing my tears
shouting and screaming

And that scary face in a corner of my room
talk to me
there’s a man in my room

the forgiveness of sins
the resurrection of the body
and the life everlasting
amen

we were born sick
but I love it
only then I am a human
only then I am clean

explosions, detonations

Blood in the streets up to my ankles

Blood in the streets up to my knees

we can’t kill them all

we can’t murder them all

it would be a mistake, wouldn’t it?

just like a child who hits the chair
it has bumped into

Blood on the raise, it’s following me

what if we did it

what if we killed them

wouldn’t the world be a better place

you may say I’m a dreamer

but I’m not the only one

we’re living in the ghost town

where the explosion of rage is not the only visible explosion

at all

divine, hellish

She talked to angels.

She has an obsidian star on her neck.

She has amulets, a rabbit’s foot, a Nazar, an Atlantis Ring.

It brings her nothing but bad luck.

She used to see ghosts. She used to hear them.

She used to feel the wind as they were passing by.

She saw the Future in her Cards.

Tarot Cards, Gypsy Cards, all of them hers. For her.

She saw more than the others. She knew more.

She got her eyes and ears wide open.

But no one believed her.

And then she started to talk. Firstly, shyly and quietly.

Then louder and louder.

And in the end she started to shout.

She cried like a baby. She drove them crazy.

She talked to angels.

But all she did was hellish.

anxiety, disturbance

Are you ready to die tonight?

When I think about it, I feel sorry. I feel sorrow.

I didn’t want it to end up like this.

But tonight I look at you for the last time.

Goodbye, Sky.

I couldn’t count all those sleepless nights in your arms.

There will be no light, no warmth, no angels, no peace.

There will be cold, I will shiver with cold, there will be ghosts and anxiety.

Would the Death look like this?

Probably it would.

Now…

I think I died a long ago.

Because this emptiness remains me this hell I live in. 

taste, fantasy

You could be the favourite taste to touch my tongue.

Who am I? I wouldn’t know if you asked me.

Or maybe…

I am a Moonchild dancing with the shadows.

I am a monster crying in a forest.

I am a fairy hiding behind the trees.

I am a ghost setting free.

I am a raven becoming a fume.

please save me

please rescue me

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my life. Where do I go?

Is there an answer that tells me why I live and die?

I’ve been asking lately, but there are no answers.

Am I alive?

Is there Life before Death?

You could be my favourite faded fantasy.

ravens, crows

A three-eyed raven.

What do you see when you look at the Future?

I saw terrible things… I saw shouts, shadows, lost souls.

I saw ravens and crows, flying around me.

They are everywhere, I feel their wings touching me face.

And then, in that crowd, I saw it.

The three-eyed raven.

I followed it through the darkness.

In the silence. 

There the road began when another one ended.

And the raven at the crossroads,

It showed me all it had been and all that would be.

I controlled

time and speed

love and death

I could see into your mind

I could see into your soul.

An all that was true. 

orchids, oleanders

Have I told you lately that… you make me real?

I feel the wind. I spread my wings.

I fly.

I am a Sunflower. I turn my face to the Sun.  

I am a Lily. I hang my head to hide my sorrow.

I am an Orchid. I entice you with my smell.

I am a White Oleander. Come, taste my poison.

Those lazy days, I was lying down on the floor, starring at the ceiling,

smelling that suffocating fragrance of exotic flowers and drinking about you.

Lazy calm.

Those lazy days I needed your hand on my forehead.

I needed you to calm me down, to bring the silence.

Those lazy days I was drunk by that smell, the smell of lilac, of eldelberry.

Those lazy days your head was wrapped up in my raven-black locks,

so soft, so warm, so paralyzing, so overwhelming.

Those days… I had already known I weren’t yours.

My cave is deep now,

your light is shining through.

I cover my eyes and all I see is you.

lilac, gooseberries

And I was kneeling

and I was looking at those pieces on the floor

and they were my hands, my legs, my hair

and my eyes

I died

and dying last for a long time

but I was born again

and I wasn’t born for you

I leave the smell of lilac

and gooseberries on you

I cover your body with my raven locks

entwisted, stormy

and your hair upon the pillow

like a sleepy, golden ocean

Let me in. Let me be a cat which changes shape to fit everywhere.

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot

I wanna be yours.

me, myself and i

Me, myself and I.

Hey, you. Yes, you. Tell me your name,

because I want to know who I am looking at.

At night, I journey through different spaces and different dimensions.

I change shape just to hide in those places.

I swim in the sea of light.

But then there comes an awakeness.

I fall into the ocean of darkness.

And a dream is under that ocean in which we immerse every night.

Then, in the morning, we wake up, wet, out of breath, with stinging eyes.

This is the end, beautiful friend. 

This is the end, my only friend. The end.

It hurts to set you free but you’ll never follow me.

The end of laughter and sift lies.

The end of nights we tried to die.

*

let’s talk, and not just speak

because my world is falling to pieces 

event horizon

Maybe one day I’ll be an honest girl.

Long roads, long days, of sunrise to sunset.

I’m doing the best I can.

Is there an answer upon us?

Who came from the stars thousands of years ago?

Who explained us the world and then just disappeared, 

leaving that stupid nation on its own?

I can’t believe it, I can’t, I’m trying so hard and I’m not able to do it, 

my entire body’s screaming,

is negating it, denying. I hear screams, voices, 

I see hands like giant spiders coming to me, touching me, 

trying to get me, to catch me, cold, dead hands.

And I see moles.

And I knew you were different, you are different, 

at least, you had been different before I learned everything about you. 

And now I am naked, and you are naked, we both are 

and we are floating in that black vacuum full of stars.

You were my event horizon. I crossed the border 

and there’s nothing on the other side. 

Do you understand?

I can’t come back.

 I’ve left my body here because it is too heavy to bring it with me.

But she has stayed and she’s pretending me.

Watch out.