lilac, gooseberries

And I was kneeling

and I was looking at those pieces on the floor

and they were my hands, my legs, my hair

and my eyes

I died

and dying last for a long time

but I was born again

and I wasn’t born for you

I leave the smell of lilac

and gooseberries on you

I cover your body with my raven locks

entwisted, stormy

and your hair upon the pillow

like a sleepy, golden ocean

Let me in. Let me be a cat which changes shape to fit everywhere.

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot

I wanna be yours.

me, myself and i

Me, myself and I.

Hey, you. Yes, you. Tell me your name,

because I want to know who I am looking at.

At night, I journey through different spaces and different dimensions.

I change shape just to hide in those places.

I swim in the sea of light.

But then there comes an awakeness.

I fall into the ocean of darkness.

And a dream is under that ocean in which we immerse every night.

Then, in the morning, we wake up, wet, out of breath, with stinging eyes.

This is the end, beautiful friend. 

This is the end, my only friend. The end.

It hurts to set you free but you’ll never follow me.

The end of laughter and sift lies.

The end of nights we tried to die.

*

let’s talk, and not just speak

because my world is falling to pieces 

event horizon

Maybe one day I’ll be an honest girl.

Long roads, long days, of sunrise to sunset.

I’m doing the best I can.

Is there an answer upon us?

Who came from the stars thousands of years ago?

Who explained us the world and then just disappeared, 

leaving that stupid nation on its own?

I can’t believe it, I can’t, I’m trying so hard and I’m not able to do it, 

my entire body’s screaming,

is negating it, denying. I hear screams, voices, 

I see hands like giant spiders coming to me, touching me, 

trying to get me, to catch me, cold, dead hands.

And I see moles.

And I knew you were different, you are different, 

at least, you had been different before I learned everything about you. 

And now I am naked, and you are naked, we both are 

and we are floating in that black vacuum full of stars.

You were my event horizon. I crossed the border 

and there’s nothing on the other side. 

Do you understand?

I can’t come back.

 I’ve left my body here because it is too heavy to bring it with me.

But she has stayed and she’s pretending me.

Watch out. 

glass, mirrors

Help me.

Help me, because I can’t stand myself.

I love being me. I hate being me.

Life without me is possible.

Life without me is not possible.

Can you imagine a constant fight with your mind?

Can you imagine asking questions, hundreds, thousands of questions,

desperately trying to find answers, but there are no answers?

She lives in me. I feel her under my skin. Sometimes I run to my room 

and I close the door as fast as I can, but she always manages to come in. 

I stand very close to the wall, actually, my back is a part of it; 

but still I know she’s behind me, and if I only turned back I would see her laughing at me.

I have a ring made of black glass. I like glass. And I like black. Black mirrors are everywhere. 

But my soul is made of obsidian.

What can you see in the mirror which reflects another mirror? Our life is an illusion. 

Don’t try to get to the initial image; it isn’t there. 

What can I see in your eyes which reflect mine? We are an illusion.

I’ve always thought that the eyes of fear are wide open, but I was wrong. 

The fear always squints its eyes, the eyes as yellow as yours.

She wolf awakes from time to time. When it’s time to hunt, she bares her fangs.

storms, stars

Something is coming.
It's near.

It's something huge, a black immensity. I see two storms pushing against each other.
I see emptiness, I see space dust, I see everything spinning, going up and down.

I see myself in the middle of nowhere. Upside down.

I was seen dancing and I was thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
I knew him and I didn't know him.
I talked to him and it there was someone else inside.
Who the hell was I looking at?
And what the hell was I looking for?

I'm not only thought to be insane.
I must be insane.
Everybody is mad here.

I understand him like I've never understood anyone.
And he knew everything about me the first time we talked.
So there must be something evil in my head.
He showed me that dark side of my soul.

I've got a war to fight.

shadows, creatures

So here I am again.

But this time with no doubts.

I’ve found someone special and I’ve experienced something important.

There is no more chaos.

There is no more pain.

I feel the Universe inside and it gives me power.

A few years ago I read a story written by one of those cat-people, 

a member of that strange category of humans who are nothing but shadows, creatures of night,

who don’t really exist, but you feel them even if you can’t touch them. 

That was a story of a demon boy who ate a star, and with it all of its years of solitude.

I’ve understood many things. Now I know you can’t go on if it takes your breath away.

You can’t be a slave. Nobody can tell you what to do. Nobody can tell you what to think.

You have to live on your own.

You have to fight alone.

Just as you’ll die. Alone.

We were just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl.

Now we’ve found each other in that hopeless place called Earth.

We don’t belong here. We’re nothing and we’re everything. We came from the stars. 

I’m a question and you’re an answer.

darkness, nothingness

‘I was always an unusual girl. My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul, 

no moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality.’

I belong to no one. I have nothing. And I want everything.

Sometimes I wish I had many lives. And sometimes I really believe it.

I’m on so many ways. Two steps forward, one step back, three steps left, and another step right.

Is there anybody in there?

But I keep going, it’s time to go, because once we were born, we can never stop.

And once we grew up, we can never come back.

I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to run round and round. 

And wanting me to change would be a great harm for me.

We’ve got a war to fight, regardless of what everybody says.

You should be glad you are not me.

I think too much. My mind never stops and causes me headaches. 

I don’t want to die. Never. I don’t want to be taken by that scary nothingness. 

It will be the end for all of my lives.

And my tears are like pearls, falling down and smashing up into pieces.

A flutter of my lashes causes an earthquake on the dark side of the moon.

My senses are sharpened. I can see in the dark. 

Landing softly on my four legs, with a single leap, I move to the other side.

Fire, walk with me.

* And the Earth, you’ll see, the Earth won’t be the Earth, it won’t hold you.

* And the Water, you’ll see, the Water won’t be the Water, it won’t cool you.

* And the Wind, you’ll see, the Wind won’t be the Wind, it won’t calm you.

* And the Fire, you’ll see, the Fire won’t be the Fire, you won’t wade through it.

And when she stops loving you, you’ll see the Night in a middle of a day, 

and a black sky instead of stars. 

You’ll see everything what I have seen.