lilac, gooseberries

And I was kneeling

and I was looking at those pieces on the floor

and they were my hands, my legs, my hair

and my eyes

I died

and dying last for a long time

but I was born again

and I wasn’t born for you

I leave the smell of lilac

and gooseberries on you

I cover your body with my raven locks

entwisted, stormy

and your hair upon the pillow

like a sleepy, golden ocean

Let me in. Let me be a cat which changes shape to fit everywhere.

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot

I wanna be yours.

me, myself and i

Me, myself and I.

Hey, you. Yes, you. Tell me your name,

because I want to know who I am looking at.

At night, I journey through different spaces and different dimensions.

I change shape just to hide in those places.

I swim in the sea of light.

But then there comes an awakeness.

I fall into the ocean of darkness.

And a dream is under that ocean in which we immerse every night.

Then, in the morning, we wake up, wet, out of breath, with stinging eyes.

This is the end, beautiful friend. 

This is the end, my only friend. The end.

It hurts to set you free but you’ll never follow me.

The end of laughter and sift lies.

The end of nights we tried to die.

*

let’s talk, and not just speak

because my world is falling to pieces 

event horizon

Maybe one day I’ll be an honest girl.

Long roads, long days, of sunrise to sunset.

I’m doing the best I can.

Is there an answer upon us?

Who came from the stars thousands of years ago?

Who explained us the world and then just disappeared, 

leaving that stupid nation on its own?

I can’t believe it, I can’t, I’m trying so hard and I’m not able to do it, 

my entire body’s screaming,

is negating it, denying. I hear screams, voices, 

I see hands like giant spiders coming to me, touching me, 

trying to get me, to catch me, cold, dead hands.

And I see moles.

And I knew you were different, you are different, 

at least, you had been different before I learned everything about you. 

And now I am naked, and you are naked, we both are 

and we are floating in that black vacuum full of stars.

You were my event horizon. I crossed the border 

and there’s nothing on the other side. 

Do you understand?

I can’t come back.

 I’ve left my body here because it is too heavy to bring it with me.

But she has stayed and she’s pretending me.

Watch out.